I received an email today - from a viewer - asking me what I would like to do if I wasn't hosting my shows ... I had to think for quite a while and finally - it hit me ... like a custard tart (pie) in the face ... I would like to be a pastry-chef. Yes - I would spend my whole day surrounded by icing, sugar, flour ... chocolate ... and all things nice. Coincidentally, a dear friend sent me some photos of the cup-cakes she bakes ... they made me SO hungry that I had to stop at a cake shop ... and scoff like a crazy-man!!

More motorway driving ... painless ... as I had a collection of my favourite 80's Cd's with me - David Bowie, Simple Minds ... Hue & Cry ... it was a singamarathon! No fear, I was driving by myself so did not deafen anyone with my out of tune warblings ...

I am not a good joke teller ... but I was sent this one today which I will commit to memory ...

The last 10 pence

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face ...
The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back ...

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10ps but is still choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly ... tighter and tighter !!!
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10ps, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the Inland Revenue ... "

Finally, I watched "Woman in Black" last night - the new "horror movie" starring Harry Potter. It was shocking ... it was not frightening, the acting was wooden and the story was total baloney! Refund please ...

Cakes ... YUM!